Stolen Vision

nights like these

they keep me alive 

and they make me crawl 

away from the light 

away from the light 
right int the dark of the moon 

and nights like these 

they assure me

they carve unit my flesh 

with the moon’s glow 

delicate shadows of the clouds

and once maybe twice 

I check my dead phone 

for hints of you 
but it doesn’t-

it doesn’t show

like the dark side of the moon 
i feel very intrigued
the clouds swirl around 

like cotton candy vein made

and I feel like my vision’s fading

maybe the moon-
yes it is the moon 

it is taking away my vision 

i would say i’m moonstruck

and glad too 
but until a while ago 

i thought my vision 

existed because you did

it was because you were 

it no longe is, it is fading 
maybe that’s my queue 

of your inexistence 
you disappeared as silently as

the swirling clouds 

only to leave behind 

the moon with my stolen vision 

don’t walk away from me

not now, not ever.

 i’m not mentally stable 

for the impact of this. 
don’t stop gushing me,

not now, not ever. 

i’m physically weak

and require your touch. 

i- i can’t heal the wounds 

you’ve carved with such delicacy

onto my brain and heart. 

i’m mentally unstable and a wreckage 

i’m physically weak and a touch

will open up my wounds 
my heart beats like a device on viberate 

it’s constant,

and it’s making me dizzy. 

i believe i am delusional 

my hand sweats like a dam broken. 
my legs and arms have creases like 

an unused sweater,

i have goosebumps. 
and i am frightened to death,

but i swear to god, i swear,

i don’t like this. 

you can easily break my heart 

with a single pinch of your fingers.  

but please, let me live;

don’t kill me, 

i- I’ll make you happy  

don’t kill me,

stay. 
when you see me sitting 

while I try to chuck air in my lungs,

when you see me shaking 

and unable to stop myself,

when you see tears gushing out 

and my hair all over my face,

when you see a frightful monster

frightened of herself,

don’t walk away.

stay, stay, stay;

hush me down. 

don’t kill the monster in me,

you’ll kill me too. 

stay, stay, stay.  

Cotton Candy Clouds

When I was a kid, I’d always wondered how clouds would taste

And I’d imagined that maybe

They’d feel really cold in my mouth 

And that they’d be really sugary. 

And I told you that I wanted to be a dragon fly 

And I told you I’d like it if I could spit spark from my mouth 

All the while,

You kept staring at me,

And you had a smile that reached your eyes

Your eyes were warm. 

They were soft. 

I remember when we were all together 

And you and I were close 

Almost too close for my young heart 

It couldn’t feel more bittersweet 

I could see the people around us 

Some were dancing to the music that you created 

Others sat around. 

Looking at their feet

Oh god, they looked missed. 

Like cherry blossoms fallen come Autumn. 

And they looked beautiful,

Even in their misery, it made me question human existence. 

Why does it feel like we’re hollow within

When someone leaves. 
I had my lips pressed to your shoulder,

And our hands were intertwined. 

You held my hand so tight 

I felt like I’d fall into a pit if you’d let go. 

And I’m not in misery. 

Some days,

The ghosts of the past

They sing sweet nothings 

In my hair, and they make me-

They almost make me believe 

That maybe what I’d been before was better 

But, every touch of your skin on mine

Makes me right 

It tells me that this is where I want to be. 

And this is where I am. 

The cherry blossoms will fall as every autumn comes and goes
The bones rust slowly, 

A fragile touch will turn to dust. 

Human existence is weak 

Oh so vulnerable

Like petals we fall into the river under our feet 

And gently, the dust is taken in 
Your fingers burn my skin

Every touch leaves a mark 

You graze my veins 

Gentle taps on the creases of my palm

Making sure the blood flows evenly

I hear your heart beating 

It’s shallow and soft 

As the petals dance until they rest on the pavement.
This poem is of nothing, nothing, nothing. 

You could pierce me like the shards of glass that once did;

My veins were pierced like grass blades shortened. 

Wooden Arms

Like a baby I’ll hold you in my arms,

And I’ll face you to the world,

And when you look up,

Peaking out, as the morning ray hits your face,

And your tiny hair gleam,

I’ll rub your head with such tenderness,

I know not to exist within  me.

“Can you see- See that outside?”

I’ll ask you in a hushed voice,

Not to frighten you with my shrill voice.

And I’ll tell you,

“That’s the world you’ll live in.”

And it’s dark,

It’s drunken, but when you look at it,

You’ll see that it’s divine.

That’s the world you’ll live in.

It’ll tear you down and

When you think all your strands have been

Ripped from the roots,

You’ll see how it picks out the roots as well.

It’ll be an absolute gleam in the eye,

You’ll dance around for

It’ll let you grow your strands again

And it’ll rejoice.

I am but a cradle for you.

I shall support and hold you tight,

Lest you fall down.

And when you grow old,

And hop out of my wooden arms,

I shall step back and close the door gently.

Hoping to one day,

Watch you become your own cradle.

Hoping to one day,

Watch you become me.

I am coated with an armor of gold,

I am given the wings of Icarus,

And I sore, I sore high and above,

Above towards the sun.

I cannot burn.

My wings are ageless,

And my gold shall never be shattered.

I am a broken harp,

My melody has turned bitter.

I am a wingless swan.

I do not go places, I am bound by the lords.

I am a chamber of shattered glass,

And you look at my with such pity,

It stings my eyes,

It stings my eyes.

Hard to Love

I don’t spill words with my tongue,

As easily as I spill blood from my body.

I don’t love as readily as I loathe,

And I loathe with intensity;

Loving isn’t as painless as it may seem.

When they portray love

On white walls with projections?

It’s an illusion.

Remember that when somebody tells you,

You could love them,

You could love the illusion

They have created just for you.

You could never love or ever

Even come close to liking

The raw existence of humans.

Since the beginning we have been cruel,

We have been selfish,

We have been filthy.

I am hard to love, in fact,

I am not loved at all,

quite rarely.

I couldn’t create an illusion for your pathetic self.

These words I write are filthy,

My blood is prettier.

All I do is loathe the existence of others.

I am hard to love, in fact,

I am not loved at all,

Quite rarely.

Muse of Tragedy

Do you hear that?

Do you hear that most sorrowful,

Most entrapping melody?

It’s the cries of Melpomene.

She sounds serene,

as though her doom isn’t strangled on her head.

She sings muses clothed with gloom,

And it sounds, to the faintest of hearts,

Like exquisite glass upon which the water blades crash.

She could always arouse

A maddening flame within me.

And it sickens me,

It sickens me to wait for words.

These words that may be apt sometimes, and others, unsatisfyingly ignorant.

Melpomene, oh Melpomene,

You are quite a tragedy.

And I believe I-

I just might be your daughter.

For this low hum under my skin,

And this sweet torment,

Could only be genetic, right?

You are a melancholic beauty,

And I was born

From the fire within you.

I am he madness

You gave birth to.

Unlike the delicacy within,

I have claws for fingers

And an undying fire in my lungs;

And oh Melpomene, oh Melpomene,

You ignite my veins with a fury

Unbeknownst to mankind.

I say again, do you hear that?

Do you hear that most sorrowful, most entrapping melody?

It is she, who raised my fragile being;

She sings those sorrowful muses.

Anything.

I think it’s frozen
Its eyes on me
(Eyes on me)

It feels cold
Like the cold after a gunshot.

When the air just freezes
In mid-air,
And there is a silence that pierces,
That screams.

The wind lies low tonight,
Very much like the pit of my senses.

I’m curling my toes,
Just to feel something.

Anything
(Anything at all)

The clouds are dead to me, mostly.

And the moon is my mother,
It has raised me raw.

It outshines the stars beside it,
It’s raised the inner lining
Of my soul,
And each night a
Fire burns deeper

Within me
(Within me)

And each night,
I ignite.

I will flow with you,

Through the streams,

I will sink in the ocean;

To the very depth.

And I will find you,

If you happen to glide away.

Don’t you know who I am?

You’ve seen me far too many times now;

More times than I would have enjoyed.

Don’t you know who I am?

I think you like these unexpected… meetings?

I know I do.

I like watching your little face,

Which is cupped in my palms.

The way your facial expressions change within minutes.

From fear to relief to a flushed shyness.

You wait for me, constantly.

I find that extraordinarily calming.

The way you talk about me,

Oh, do you know I can hear you?

The way you glide around,

Ah, I want you all to myself, just myself.

I want to possess you.

Make you mine.

Although, with resentment, I must wait,

For our fated encounter.

Since I crave you,

letting you breath your given breaths becomes a rather difficult task.

I think, for now, I’ll let you have your way though.

But, when the time comes,

Our fated time.

I’ll lick my lips,

and gently,

Slowly, devour you.

Until you’re mine, completely.

Until we’re one, love.

// on death.

Waves.

The waves hit me
Right on my feet,
The water ripples,
They moved around me.
But I was okay,
It was only till my feet,
It was okay.
I was warm deep within me,
Your warmth hadn’t left the spaces
Between my fingers, deep in my knuckles.
And my neck, it had your kisses.
You were like a dog.
You, who marked his territory, in the form of
Soft kisses on my bare skin.
The waves kept leveling up.
They were till my knees
And I trembled, for the water was too cold,
And so was your soul.
Your soul was dark and I was too caught up,
Maybe a bit in love,
To realize what was in front of me,
It wasn’t love, no;
It was far from that.
The waves kept rising,
And it’s getting hard to stand still.
The tides will knock me down.
And I wasn’t quite aware of that,
But I didn’t know how to move away either.
The sand I stood on,
It was the only
Place I had ever known.
And it was home to me.
And how could anyone ever
Run away from their home?
You are slowly sliding away from me,
But all I can do is let you slide further;
After all, I don’t quite like you anymore.
No, I came out of it.
The tides were too high,
So were your hands.
They rose from my waist, up to my throat.
From a gentle caress,
They turned to strangling fingers.
The waves are till my waist now,
And I am shivering all over.
I am struggling to keep my toes in the sand.
All the while, not realizing that I should let go;
For if I sink my toes any deeper,
I won’t be able to get out.
And you have left me,
But you have left with me a great weight.
It just helps me to sink in further away.
It’s getting harder to get out of the water now,
I am whimpering, trying to hold myself still.
Oh dear, what have I gotten myself into?
The waves hit my shoulder, and I-
I can’t do anything but fall.
The amount of water is too much,
And I’m afraid, even though
I’ve learnt to get my feet out,
It’s far too late.
So I sink, sink, sink
As the water covers me,
I disappear, disappear, disappear.
//I wrote this for my bestfriend.